Celebs, Hot Celebrities, Celebrity Pictures

Tom Cruise has been running around like an autistic boy who just lost his baseball cards. First, SF gate has confirmed that Tom has forced Katie to change her name. Tom feels that Katie is too much of a young girl name.

Cruise explains: "Katie is a young girl's name. Her name is Kate now she's a child-bearing woman." What great reasoning, she sounds much more like a mother now. Dipshit.

In other news, Tom Cruise has named Kanye West and Jamie Foxx uncles to his new daughter, Suri. Cruise said: "Jamie Foxx is going to be uncle. I asked him today and he's accepted. He's an amazing guy. And when I get back to the States I'm gonna ask Kanye West."

This whole situation is completely insane. You don't just randomly pick uncles for your child when she is born, do you? I can see Foxx since Cruise knows him well, but not Kanye. I don't have anything against Kanye West, other than the way he lives his life, but look at the guy. A man who sticks his head in the mouth of an untamed mountain lion is less of a fool than Kanye.

Entertainment Wise is reporting that Jessica Simpson is furious over her estranged husband, Nick Lachey’s decision to use their failed marriage as a way to plug his new album.

A friend of Lachey’s told People magazine: "He felt bad that she was upset. (But) Nick didn’t apologize, because the things he said (in the article) only demonstrate that he loves her."Nick never wanted this marriage to end. He would never want to hurt her."

An insider said of Jessica’s reaction to the interview: "She was devastated, heartbroken. "She didn’t think he would do that. What really upset her was the timing. Nick waited until two weeks before for his album to debut to tell a reporter that he loved Jessica. That’s not cool. He keeps saying, 'I'm sorry I couldn’t make her happy,’ but he is not choosing to say why."

Jessica needs to understand one thing here. How else is Lachey going to sell his album if he doesn't use the horrible marriage as a chance to plug his album. Here's where girls and guys differ. Take Nick: Girls probably think he's hot, but he has no real talent, so he will be working at Target in 6 months. Now take Jessica: She is hot and has hardly a spec of real singing ability, but she will continue to be successful. God, I love America.

Two days ago was the Us Weekly hot Hollywood party, and Jessica Alba had a bit of a wardrobe malfunction. I don't know why Jessica has to be so quick on her feet, but I'm going to imagine it's due to all the lesbian sex she has.

This is one of the few things you hope someone isn't good at. When Tara left her tit exposed for 53 minutes, it was one of the most horrifying experiences since the holocaust. Of coarse when we have the same opportunity with Jess, she catches it. Come on.

Today, People Magazine will release their 2006 issue of the 100 Most Beautiful People. Angelina Jolie will grace the cover, which is always considered to be the number one. Regardless of her pre-pregnant sexiness, she probably only got this because of her high profile romance with Brad Pitt, who ironically made the list of the 100 Most Ugly People this year.

Below are also some pictures of runner's up for the cover, who are featured in the magazine as the top 100.

Reports are saying that Magician David Copperfield and two assistants were robbed at gunpoint on Sunday night, after a performance in West Palm Beach, Florida.

According to a statement issued by Copperfield's representative: "They told us to give them money and our stuff. At that point we realized that there were guns in our face." Copperfield turned his pockets inside out to show he had nothing on him - a sleight of hand by the illusionist, who later showed police he was carrying a passport, wallet and cell phone.

You gotta be kidding me. I usually think magic is only for goth kids who masturbate with dead animal blood, but Copperfield has proved me wrong. It seems like he has sent out a challenge to anyone trying to rob him. Who in their right mind would try to rob a man who makes things disappear on a daily basis, and makes millions doing it. These were probably the same people who considered robbing banks after watching Inside Man.

IMDB has confirmed that Britney Spears has fired her child's nanny after a string of press reports criticized her parenting skills. Spears is so determined to prove skeptics wrong she has fired her nanny.

A friend tells American magazine In Touch: "She wanted to be a mother and thought she could snap her fingers and be the perfect mom. But Britney is learning the hard way that being a good mother is something you always have to work at."

This may be the worst thing that ever happened to Sean Preston. A underpaid Mexican woman, running around yelling words no one can understand is easily better at taking care of Britney's kid. This theory never works well, which is why I don't have kids. I once tied a piece of steak to my baby's belt, and hung him 10ft above a swamp of gators. I figured I would prove how great of a dad I was, but once I saw those chompers, forget about it baby.

Female First is reporting that Ashlee Simpson has claimed that she is sexier and more attractive than her sister Jessica. Apparently, somebody needs psychiatric help.

She is quoted in Scotland's Daily Record newspaper as saying: "I'm taller than she is and my legs are longer than hers…I got lucky because my chest size isn't completely massive"

As someone who's done research on sexy woman, which is mostly based on cruising the internet looking at pay only porn sites, everyone knows Jessica Simpson is hotter. Ashlee Simpson couldn't win a beauty pagent that was held at Taco Bell.

Yahoo is reporting that Cindy Margolis has finally agreed to pose nude for Playboy. She finally agreed to pose for Hefner when they called her on her 40th birthday.

She gave this statement in an interview over the telephone: "Thank goodness for 'Desperate Housewives.' You're not dead just because you are married and have children."

Alright, I'm going to make this short and sweet. I know everyone probably knows this already, because every site on the internet except mine talked about it yesterday. Well, I'm waiting for my coffee to kick in so I'm basically throwing up some filler. I don't know why people even know her name, if you put a pair of fake tits on a girl at CVS, you wouldn't be able to tell the difference.

IMDB has confirmed that Kevin Costner has been officially named the actor accused of performing a lewd sex act in front of a masseuse while honeymooning in Scotland in 2004. The 34-year-old woman alleged Costner grabbed her while she was massaging him, before dropping his towel and exposing himself. The woman claims she was fired from her job soon after she complained to managers about Costner's alleged behavior. Yesterday, the masseuse was awarded an undisclosed payout from the hotel after accusing them of unfair dismissal and sexual discrimination.

Costner's publicist Paul Bloch issued a statement:"We find it unfortunate that Mr. Costner's name has been brought into what is essentially a dispute between a company owned by a good friend of his and a former employee - and that it would tarnish what was a wonderful time spent at this resort with his wife."

I don't see what the big deal is. Didn't this lady ever watch the Bodyguard? She has to remember that Kevin Costner has done one mediocre movie in the last 15 years, or maybe she happened to see Water World or The Postman. I'm still trying to figure out how it is possible for Costner to still be an actor with so many failures. I know success and failure go hand in hand, but not when it's just constant failure with no success.

OK we get it. You love little immigrants from other countries. All I know is, Brad's going to start running like a Nambian jungle warrior if Angelina doesn't start fasting like the rest of the people in that country.

BTW: These are new pictures from Hello Magazine.

Pedia is reporting that Al Pacino has been offered a part in the Ocean’s 11 second sequel and the actor signed the contract. Other people are still talking about Angelina Jolie joining the cast, because Julia Roberts won't be returning.

According to the source:“Pacino will play Willie Banks, the owner of a high-profile casino and hotel in Las Vegas."

If this movie is even twice as good as Ocean's 12, we can all agree that the armageddon is coming. It's strange how people always model movies after my life. This movie always reminds me of my life long mission, which is to track down Johnny Quickfingers. He robbed 3 $10 chips from me. As everyone knows, I'm a sexy Casino owner who play's buy his own rules. The cops are always telling me "this isn't the wild west anymore, you can't run your casino that way." Like hell I can't. I'm coming for you Johnny, be ready my friend.

This is Stacy Keibler's May 2006 Vegas Magazine photo shoot. You may or may not believe me, because honestly, this looks nothing like her. I had to do comparative facial testing with my Stacy Keibler blow up doll, and the results were surprising.

Based on the beep sounds the comparative facial testing machine was making - not to mention the smoke coming out of it - It is conclusive that this is Stacy Keibler. Damn, I love this machine. It also cooks my toast just right.

Us Weekly had up an article yesterday - which has since been taken down- that claimed they are positive Britney Spears is pregnant again.

Us Weekly reported this: "Britney Spears, 24, couldn’t hide her pregnancy any longer when she showed up poolside at Caesar’s Palace in Las Vegas this weekend, sporting a red bikini and a serious bump. The singer is expecting her second child with husband Kevin Federline, 28, sources have confirmed to Us."

If you like to jump to conclusions, and I know you do, than this is a perfect time. After years of counseling fat woman and Vietnam veterans, I have developed new philosophies. If A girl marries a scum bag like Federfag, she has zero confidence. If a girl uses a vibrator and claims she is thinking of anyone but me, she is a liar. And my mother didn't think this Harvard Psychology degree would ever come in handy.

Page Six is reporting that the Simpson sisters are fueding with the Duff sisters. Hilary and Haylie Duff were celebrating a friend's birthday, when Ashlee Simpson came to the Duffs' table, and told Hilary that her arms looked "chunky."

Haylie tried to stick up for her sister, but she has a nose like a flagpole so it really wasn't helping. Later that night, Haylie tried to talk shit to Jessica Simpson, but it calmed down quickly.

A rep for the Simpsons said, "Ashlee thinks Hilary has perfectly lovely arms." The Duffs' rep, Cece Yorke, said, "They said they had a really fun night."

Everyone knows that Hilary's arms are exactly like tree trunks from the rain forests, and she needs to know these things. It's the same reason I tell anorexic girls that they're fat. You know most people are telling them "Come on puke girl, gain some weight, you're so skinny." Than I come along, "Have another taco, fatty." Man, those girls love the fat jokes.

Entertainment Wise has confirmed that Angelina Jolie has finally bought her own piece of Africa. She is buying an island shaped like Ethiopia. According to the Daily Star, Jolie is planning on creating a fair trade paradise for hundreds, maybe thousands, of poor people.

A source said: “Angelina has been obsessed with Ethiopia ever since she adopted her second child Zahara from there. Her friends are very jealous of her purchase.”

I'm not going to pretend to know as much about "fair trade paradise" as Angelina Jolie, but I would guess it involves a lot of lesbian sex. And when there isn't lesbian sex going on, there's plenty of high priced call girls giving sex out for free. I entertained the idea of buying my own country once or twice, but I never got around to it. Mostly because the island would only consist of mixing human and animal DNA to make a super army, which could take over the world. Obviously, my DNA would be used in the experiments so the animals would have provactive allure with the ladies.

Starpulse is reporting that Tom Cruise used to hitchhike with male prostitutes, and they actually knew him very well. Cruise used to hitchhike with the men picking up sex workers outside New York's Holland Tunnel when he was a low rent actor.

Cruise revealed to Sunday Times newspaper: "There were prostitutes, who used to be around the tunnel, who knew me. They'd see me and they'd go, Look, I'll pick up a john and you jump in. So I'd ride through the tunnel to New Jersey.

He Continued with: The driver's a little like, 'What's this guy doing in the back seat?' But he saw I'm just this 18-year-old kid. I didn't look dangerous. And they didn't do anything sexual in front of me. I'd get out in New Jersey and say, 'Thank you very much'. Then I'd hitchhike home."

I've never taken a ride from a male hooker, or even a female hooker. As someone who runs various escort services around the country, I am well versed in the law of prostitution. It basically says it's OK as long as it's about a guy hooking up with a girl, and not any guy doing anything to anyone else. At least that's what my Harvard Degree tells me, bitch.

This is Tera Patrick's May 2006 FHM photo shoot. During the issue she gives an instructional guide on how to teach your woman to make amateur porn. Most woman I date don't need to be taught this by Tera Patrick, because they say I'm a good teacher.

After I spent 14 years with the Goddess Eva in Taiwan, I was able to learn the only three rules of porn making...

One: make sure everyone is tested for STD's. Two: make sure the girl is hot. Three: be sure the woman was molested by her uncle or father when she was younger. Trust me, if she wasn't molested she would back out of the event.

They have finally confirmed this years nominations for the 2006 MTV Movie Awards. Leading the way is Wedding Crashers and The 40 Year Old Virgin with 5 nominations each.

The Best Movie category will consist of: Wedding Crashers, 40 Year Old Virgin, King Kong, Sin City, and Batman Begins. The nominees for Best Performance are: Steve Carell, Jake Gyllenhaal, Joaquin Phoenix, Reese Witherspoon, Rachel McAdams and Terrence Howard.

Best Hero Category: Batman Begins' Christian Bale, Jessica Alba (Sin City), Daniel Radcliffe (Harry Potter & The Goblet Of Fire), Kate Beckinsale (Underworld: Evolution) and Ewan McGregor (Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge Of The Sith) will all go head to head. The Best Villain nominees are :Harry Potter bad guy Ralph Fiennes, Darth Vader (Hayden Christensen) and Batman nemesis Cillian Murphy. This year's sexiest performance category will consist of:Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo star Rob Schneider, Beyonce Knowles (The Pink Panther), Jessica Alba, and Jessica Simpson (Dukes Of Hazzard).

Everyone can pretend like they hate the MTV Movie Awards and it's for teenie boppers, but we all know everyone can't wait to watch it. I mean really. Even if you hate the show it would be hard to miss it. Who can miss a show that will be on every other hour for the next year on MTV? They will work it in nicely between repeats of Punkd and repeats of The Real World.

Avril Lavigne has decided to do voice work for the upcoming cartoon movie Over The Hedge. It's so obvious that Avril is a bad girl who plays by her own rules, I mean look at her. She has a skull on her shirt. A red skull.

Based on Disney movies that teach young girls how to become woman, girls that wear red skulls are sluts. Not only are they sluts, but they are trouble.

It only took me about 5 minutes of waiting before Avril was able to sell out and prove her whole bad girl image was a joke. When I think of my life growing up in Little Rock, there's one thing I learned: Girls like Avril get sexed in to all gangs, never beat in.

People Magazine is reporting that Charlie Sheen has called recent accusations made by his psycho wife, Denise Richards, "vile" and "baseless."

Last Friday, Richards filed paperwork that claimed Sheen had threatened to kill her. She claimed that Sheen hit her after she confronted him about pornography Web sites featuring "very young girls" that he'd been looking at. She also said Sheen pushed her over while she was holding their daughter Lola and "said to that he was going to have me killed."

Sheen said in a statement yesterday: "Obviously, what has taken place is vile, is unconscionable, is without merit, is a transparent and immature smear campaign. She's claiming certain things. It's baseless."

I don't know if Charlie is the man you want to be messing with. Back when I was tracking down the Cincinnati Slicer, I underestimated the brains the killer had, but I won't let it happen again. I never expected that the Chief of Police was working with him, and nevermind my love interest being thrown into the mix. Luckily, my father who hadn't seen me for years showed up just in time as I was about to be thrown off the Delmont bridge. Thank you dad, thank you.