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Scarlett Johansson was shocked when she came home drunk and mistakenly broke into her neighbor's apartment.

She explains: "I was coming home, it was very late, mind you, it was like four in the morning. Maybe I'd had like one too many champagne cocktails, or whatever... But I got home, of course I wasn't driving, and I opened my door and it wasn't my kitchen! It was somebody else's kitchen and I left and I realized my key opens up somebody else's door in my building. It like slides right in and opens it up! I slammed the door shut as quickly as I could and I ran to the stairs because I didn't want them to think, 'Who the hell was that?' It was a disaster! Then I thought maybe I should go back and see if they had a can of Coke or something... I just got back from Venice (from the Venice Film Festival), so I don't have any groceries!"

Not only do I think about Scarlett when I masturbate, but she also seems like a lot of fun. I've done plenty of stupid things while drunk, but I never broke into my neighbor's apartment. The worst I've done is told girls I was a vampire hunter and a kangaroo doctor, but that's it. Oh, and I took a shit in a urinal. And I once took a shit in the only clean water the Tabotton tribe had for the summer.



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