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Colin Farrell recently met a young fan and took her back to his hotel room so he could have sex with her. The woman was Angelique Jerome, and he banged her hours before the London premiere of his new movie Miami Vice. His performance left her unimpressed when he lasted only 10 minutes.

She said: "He has a great body and a charm that any woman would kill for. But he's all talk. Between the sheets, he is a let-down with only half a baguette in his lunchbox, if you know what I mean. He comes across as a tiger on screen, but behind closed doors he's as wild as Mickey Mouse. She continued with: "We made love three times but the actual sex only lasted 10 minutes in total. At one point he lifted me up and carried me to one side of the bed so we were both looking in his full-length mirror. He said, Look how beautiful you are . To be fair, he did try and give me pleasure, kissing me all down my body - but his heart wasn't really in it. I kept having to fake orgasms - one, two, three - to keep him happy and let him keep his dignity. It seemed the polite thing to do."

It's hard to believe, but the majority of the public isn't a Casanova like myself. I usually bring women to a fancy beach resort where we make love under the sunset all day. Sometimes they get a little flustered when I have the dominatrix show up with a strap on, but you really need to give a little to get a little. A woman needs to be prepared to get pounded a little, or it's not worth my time.

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