Jessica Biel Is For Sale
Monday, July 17, 2006
IMDB is reporting that all around sex machine Jessica Biel is offering herself as a date to help a teenager who lost a leg in a car accident. Biel hopes the auction will raise funds for the family of 18-year-old Molly Bloom who was run over by a stretch limousine in May.
Dmitri Lee Natali, a friend of Bloom, says:"Come on, it's Jessica Biel. What guy wouldn't want to win a date with her?"
When you're rich and powerful like myself, you don't have to pay to get dates with girls like Jessica Biel. I would masturbate with a Sesame Street hand puppet before I lowered myself to paying for sex. It never gets old, hand puppets can get kinky. All you have to do is hook up jumper cables to your nuts, and start your car. If you have friends, which you probably don't if you're considering this, have one of them push the gas pedal a few times.
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