Jewel Will Out Drink You

Thursday, June 15, 2006

Page Six is saying that Jewel has apparently gone from a unhappy non-drinker to fun filled alcoholic. The Alaskan singer reveals she recently started drinking alcohol every day, and is now loving every minute of her life.

Jewel told Blender:"I didn't start drinking until I was 30. I grew up singing for alcoholics, and it never really seemed like alcohol fixed anything. I was afraid that it would get me. Around 30, I kind of realized that alcohol really does solve all your problems. Whoever said drinking doesn't help lied. You live and you learn."

I never imagined the day would come where I would search the internet for a picture of Jewel, but today is a landmark. Jewel has gone from "Sara, plain and tall" to "Sara, drunk and skanky." Girls should always drink at the rate of Jewel, because it saves me money. Do you have any idea how much roofies, 6 feet of rope, bleach, and industry standard garbage bags cost? Well I do, and let me tell you, it's basically my pay check. So start drinking ladies, not only will you feel better, you'll get laid tonight.

Posted by Unknown at 6/15/2006  
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