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Hollywood.com is reporting that Lindsay Lohan has admitted she's only dating Harry Morton because her two big time crushes, Johnny Depp and Ashton Kutcher, are both taken.

Lohan says, "My favorite is Johnny Depp, but he's married, isn't he? And sadly Ashton Kutcher is taken too!"

I'm pretty sure if I was Joe Nobody, which Harry Morton most certainly is, I would start planning my own death. It may or may not involve something painful, like a blow torch shooting at my face while I am fighting a grizzly bear in a pit of rattle snakes. Seriously, when your girlfriend tells you that you're her number three choice, you know it's time to bring up anal sex, because you only have so much longer to date her.