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Reports are saying that Kelly Clarkson has agreed to promote her own flavor of vitamin water, but the only catch is the company won't announce the deal until she loses some more weight. I've been saying Clarkson was fat for a while, but nobody believed me. Now step up bitches.

The report goes on to say: "Clarkson looks like she could lose a few pounds. Since the brand is all about fitness and health, she's been put on a strict diet and the deal is secret until she slims down."

Nothing makes me happier than hearing about people being told their fat. Especially if they aren't able to accomplish a goal based only on their weight. Kelly just needs to understand why she breaks chairs when she sits on them. It's because she doesn't work out. Do you think I have these gorgeous legs and butt because I sit around and eat Cheetos all day? No! I punch pieces of meat at the factory and even practice tackling fork lifts. You think I give a shit? I basically piss beef jerky, unlike mexican women who are only known for not washing their hair.