Jake Gyllenhaal Loves Masturbation Jokes
Monday, May 01, 2006
Starpulse is reporting that Jake Gyllenhaal has shocked American Gulf War veterans by joking about them only masturbating during their time in the desert. Jake starred in Jarhead, a movie exposing the U.S. soldiers' lack of combat in the Middle Eastern conflict.
He said, "The U.S. soldiers were sent to the desert for 122 days and they sat in the same tent and did nothing, except a little too much masturbating."
I usually judge how cool a guy is by the amount of masturbation jokes that he will make, and also the quality of them. Before Jake started ripping on the soliders I had little to no respect for him, but now this changes everything. I might send him a sexy, over priced call girl charged to my mother's credit card. That would be more exciting then the time I masturbated with a microwaved bannana peel.
Oh yeah, now that he started ripping on the soliders you have respect for him! The egotistical Cocaine sniffing Hollywood creep thinks because he made a movie about soldiers he knows what it's really like to lay your life on the line in a stupid fucking war they didn't ask for. Talk about excessive (mental) masturbation! Send that faggot cocksucker back up on Brokeback Mountain where he belongs!
Jarhead was a fucking cool movie and Jake is a fucking cool guy. Fuck the critics.
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