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I know it may be hard to believe, but that Britney suicide story is starting to look like it isn't true. x17 had this to say about the ridiculous events...

"Over the weekend, some news outlets started picking up on rumors of Britney Spears attempting suicide at the Promises rehab facility in Malibu. The rumors are believed to have taken root after an ambulance showed up at the facility last week on Wednesday. X17 did not report on the paramedics' visit because we didn't want to create questions or concerns where none were warranted. If you read most articles on the supposed attempted suicide, most are written with unnamed sources and with direct quotes attributed to no one. We saw Britney later in the evening on the 28th, the same day we saw the ambulance ,attending her first AA meeting outside of rehab. She was looking good and healthy -- far from what you'd expect someone who'd just attempted suicide to look like! She was out again the next evening for a Thursday night AA meeting, where X17 caught up with Brit exclusively. She gave us a sweet wave and a smile -- she looked great! So all-in-all, I'm not so sure I believe this story ..."

Whoa. So Britney didn't try to hang herself by writing "666" on her forehead? Whatever. And Jessica Stonebridge didn't give me the clap in 10th grade. We both know the truth. And we all know that the Anti-Christ is just laying low, waiting for the perfect moment to strike. I only have room in my bomb shelter for 3 more females, so act fast!