Celebs, Hot Celebrities, Celebrity Pictures

Is Jessica Simpson trying to let the world know she likes to eat the 'love sausage'? If not then why wear a t-shirt saying "Real Girls Eat Meat"?

Did she honestly think we were under the impression she was some sort of goodie two shoes who didn't like to get her gums around the plums?

Jess pack up that t-shirt for something that shows us a bit of cleavage, we all know you're a meat and two veg kinda gal.

My penis has been bitching all morning about Jessica Simpson. "Why won't she go back to dressing like a tramp," he tells me. I rudely interrupt, "It's not about being a whore, it's about having a good personality." It was at this point that I finished strangling the hooker.

Well, take a look ladies. You're not going to get hot by eating cup cakes and swallowing sperm. Apparently you need to run, and look really tired. Really, really tired. Like you're going to pass out. Almost like my sexiness is to powerful.

Not really, but it would be nice. These pictures are from Jessica's upcoming film, Major Movie Star. There's obviously nothing good going on today. I plan on spending most of my time reading to cancer patients, and banging high priced escorts.

After numerous rumors over the last few months that Jessica Simpson may have had breast implants, she has finally decided to talk about it.

"I've had none," she says, when asked about plastic surgery. "But maybe after having kids, if my boobs dropped down to my bellybutton, I would get them lifted," Simpson tells fashion designer pal Michael Kors, who writes about her in the August issue of Harper's Bazaar, on newsstands July 24. She adds, "But you know, my boobs are real."

I consider myself an expert on both Quantum Physics and breasts, so I always knew Jessica had real tits. Some of my scientist friends that work in the lab have actually done tests to prove my penis is like a radar when it comes to judging women, so I never question it's judgment.

Source

OK, so I'm obviously followed by hot women wherever I go, but I've never gone to a club and seen two girls like this before. Dancing together. The girls I hang out with usually need a fake ID to get into a club. And by "club" i mean "my bedroom."

It's hard to notice Jessica's tits when she looks like a damn clown. The red lipstick isn't doing it for you honey, you just look like an idiot. I like sluts as much as my penis, but I would at least ask a girl to put on some decent makeup. But no condom. The girls I sleep with are clean. I can tell.

Most of the girls that fawn over me tend to dress like Jessica is here. I'm not sure why, but my gut says it's because I'm a dreamboat who's charisma is only surpassed by my sexy butt. And of coarse my penis. It can shoot down a fucking plane, baby!

If only there was something like fireworks or a guy with a knife to distract Jessica for 3 more seconds. Seriously, I'm pretty sure you can see the outskirt of her nipple. And I'm pretty sure I just stuck my penis in a jar of mayonnaise because I didn't know where else to put it. And who eats mayonnaise anyway?