Celebs, Hot Celebrities, Celebrity Pictures

I still don't understand the fascination with these twins, or any babies for that matter. When I get a girl pregnant I change states. And change my hair color. And punch her in the baby maker.

I'm not saying I look at babies sexually - not black ones at least - but Shiloh definitely is taking after her mother in more areas than one. Or just one. DSL what?! Stop looking you stick bastard.

In a recent poll done by my penis - who's name is Howard - it was proven scientifically that there's nothing hotter than Angelina shooting people while laying on a Viper. These pictures may be shocking to some, but not me. I'm use to having hot girls laying on the hood of my car. That Toyota Tercel is a chick magnet, baby!

btw: These stills are from her upcoming movie Wanted.

While Angelina's relationship with Brad is struggling, she has decided the best way to patch things up is to adopt another child from Ethiopia.

A source said: "Angie in particular feels very strongly that while Shiloh will grow up seeing the family resemblance between herself and her natural parents, and Maddox and Pax will feel a connection through their birthplaces, Zahara has no such close-knit bond. They hope that by finding an Ethiopian brother or sister - preferably sister - for her, it will help Zahara feel more comfortable and happy in her own skin."

Of course Angelina's adopted kids will be jealous of Shiloh. The kid is basically the second coming of Christ. Her hair is made of pure gold, and her vagina has a diamond lining. I also hear her eyes have the desire of a lion. Seriously.

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I've never seen a family so happy in my life, so it's obvious that this family is pissing me off. Even when they are picking their children up from school, they jump for joy when they see them. And why not? I'd jump to if I hung out with two people who basically own the moon. I've even heard that Brad Pitt can blow things up with his mind. Take that!

btw: Slow day in Hollywood? You better believe it, sucka!

Recently Angelina Jolie sat down for an interview with Marie Claire magazine, and dropped a few quick facts about her love life. One of them being, that she has never told Brad that she loves him.

She said: "I don't think we've ever said (I love you). I mean, I'm sure we have, but we would have to punch each other in the arm first."

Ahhh, yes. I would much rather get a good old "punch in the arm" instead of an "I love you." Sure, a punch is nice and all, but it doesn't mean it's satisfying. It's like getting a hand job. You're happy you got something out of the deal, but deep down you know it would have been better if you just did it yourself.

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Hey, I'd fuck her. But I also masturbated to a 16 year old girl on myspace today. And I also commented on her pics. She was smokin', baby!

The always honest National Enquirer is claiming that Angelina Jolie has a "deadly disease."

News.com reports: Jolie's brother James Haven has publicly stated he is worried about his sister's health, though he was more concerned with her shocking weight loss since giving birth to baby Shiloh last May. He has also told a British paper that she was not eating well and that both he and Pitt were concerned and pushing her towards a healthier lifestyle.

I contemplated whether or not I should post this story for 10 minutes, mostly because I know it's bullshit, but also because I'm worried it might be true. And I heard it was cool. This is also the same reason I started smoking cigarettes. And also quit.

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Angelina Jolie has claimed that she used to strip and make-out with boys in Kindergarten.

She said: "I was a member of a group called the Kissy Girls. I was very sexual in kindergarten. I created a game where I would kiss the boys and give them cooties. Then we would make out and we would take our clothes off. I got in a lot of trouble!"

She went on to say: "I had started having sex with my boyfriend and the sex and the emotions didn't feel enough. I was no longer a little girl. In a moment of wanting to feel closer to my boyfriend I grabbed a knife and cut him. He cut me back. We had an exchange of something and we were covered in blood, my heart was racing. Then whenever I felt trapped, I'd cut myself. I have a lot of scars. It was an age when I felt adventurous and after a few beers things happened."

I'm not too surprised Angelina Jolie was in a group called kissy girls, because I was in a group called boner boys. We would solve mysteries in the town, especially ones that involved ghosts in Mr. Johnson's basement. But we also got boners. And had group masturbation parties. Ahh, the gold old days.

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Word around town is Angelina Jolie may have a some trouble with Pax Thien Jolie. Apparently he was born to a heroin addict and left in a Vietnam hospital, because his mother couldn't pay the $30 bill. Now his mother may contest the adoption, because only his grandparents signed the documents.

Pax's grandfather said: "Our daughter is a heroin addict and her life has been ruled by drugs. When she finds out a rich movie star has adopted her baby, she will go after her for money and make trouble. She may even try to take the child back."

I'm pretty sure this woman will try to use Angelina as a cash cow, but once Angelina sends her 20 bucks it should all be taken care of. And other people are wondering why I just said the term "cash cow." It's because I just saw it on Lifetime. Damn you Debbie! You only married into the family for the money!

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Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are going to adopt again, and this time it's going to be from a Vietnam orphanage. They are in Vietnam now awaiting a passport from the American consulate so that she can bring home their new child. The new freak show is a 3-year-old boy whose name will be Pax Thien Jolie; in Latin, the name means peaceful sky.

Adam Pertman, the executive director of the Evan B.Donaldson Adoption Institute, said:"The truth is that any child who has been without a permanent family for the first three years of life is very lucky to go into a home where he can get the kinds of help that this child will need."

This family is basically turning into a joke, and I know Brad doesn't like it. He just wanted to bang a freak, but now his entire life has changed. Sure, I spend hours doing book readings at orphanages, but I know that I'm only "friends" with the children. Being a fire fighter, astronaut, and adopting children is just too much for me. I can't spread myself that thin, because I love the kids.

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Since her mother's death, Angelina Jolie has stopped eating and dropped to 109lbs.

A source told Us Weekly magazine: “She isn’t eating. She is very lonely and desperate to make new friends.”

The source added: “Brad has been worried about her day and night. She has been under so much stress, and Brad is trying to be understanding.”

Most of the supermodels I date claim that 109lbs is still a little to heavy, so I wouldn't be upset to see Angie drop a few more pounds. I never understand why jealous friends get upset when someone is losing a lot of weight by not eating. They are usually fat and just don't have the dedication to purge up their meals.

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